I live and die by my research. I once spent two weeks investigating how to brine the perfect turkey for Thanksgiving. I weighed the benefits of dry brine and wet brine. I watched video tutorials and read foodie blogs. In the end, it was a damn fine turkey.
When it came to ending my marriage you can bet your false eyelashes I was studying up. My google searches went something like:
“How to have a friendly divorce”
“How to have an easy divorce”
“How to file for divorce”
“Can you have wine delivered in New Jersey?”
After reading a host of articles from all over the interwebs I bought a book on amicable divorce.
Splitopia: Dispatches from Today’s Good Divorce and How to Part Well by Wendy Paris, was an excellent resource for me. It offers practical advice for working with your soon-to-be ex-partner on splitting assets, dealing with family, and working through the emotional fallout. I was able to apply lessons from this book directly to my experience and I’m so grateful.
More than all of that, Paris’ book offered me hope. The simple fact that I was not alone in this experience, despite knowing that I would soon be alone, was comforting. I left the final pages feeling centered in my decisions, armed with a plan to move forward, and hopeful for my future.
“Divorce is not just a closing-down of one life but also an opening of another.”
– Wendy Paris
Diving into research gave me space to think and plan. I was able to create a narrative about what I was going through for those closest to me and set boundaries where I needed them. This research was also my first brush with mindfulness practice, self-awareness, and self-love. I started out on a journey toward finding my truest self and becoming whole again, a topic I will be touching on A LOT on this site.
For me, reading about others experiences with divorce was a great help. I believe in the power of storytelling which is why, in large part, I am here telling mine. Do you have a story to share? If so, I’d love to connect with you.